Where have I been?

Hello my wonderful readers and welcome back to TheCoconutLists! I haven't written or posted in so long and I know it's high time I owe you all an explanation; 

Last year was extremely hard for me. If you've been reading my blog since the beginning you would know that we went through an accident with my sister and as the year progressed it really did begin to take it's toll on me. I have always been one of those people who speaks of self improvement as though it is an easy thing and yet I suddenly found myself more depressed and overwhelmed than ever and it was something I had no idea how to accept, let alone deal with. At the time blogging felt like it had become a burden, I felt like I wasn't able to say what I wanted to say within my genre and I felt that in light of the current state of the country and in a world full of tragedy blogging about nails was just too hard. I began to internally berate myself for wanting to talk about things that seemed only trivial and insignificant. 

"Insignificant" it's a word I hold in my heart with constant fear and apprehension. None of us want to be insignificant. And I don't want to write about the insignificant. But significance is in the habit of being rather subjective. At some point in 2015, (with a LOT of help from some amazing individuals) I had to come to terms with the feelings I was going through and I had to learn to accept them in order to get over them. In a year full of family trauma, deadlines, and constantly trying to peel myself out of my bed I realized I had lost not only my happiness but also my self-esteem and self-confidence. Berating myself about the apparent significance or insignificance of the things I like wasn't going to get me anywhere. I had to embrace myself and asess my wounds before I could like them and move on. 

If you are ever in a space where it feels like nothing will ever improve and you are "doomed for eternity" (*eye roll* I know right? But when sh*t hits the fan we all have a tendency to be somewhat melodramatic) just know that it is not permanent. That whatever you are feeling or experiencing is momentary because you can control the impact and duration of that impact in your life. You can pick yourself up no matter how hard the situation as long you don't discredit your feelings and you learn to accept them with patience and understanding. 

I'm not going to lie, I only realized late October what was happening. Not that I only realized it but rather that was when I accepted it. If you do not accept your problems you cannot begin to fix them, trust me, I've learned. I was deliberately avoiding and refusing to acknowledge plain vocabulary even. Words like, "depression" and "grief" made me feel vulnerable and weak, yet as soon as I began to understand that I am strong despite them I became less afraid of opening myself up to my own feelings. 

I understand now that The Coconut Lists is my space and it's something that I'm actually quite proud of. I can decide what is significant here. I don't have to only talk about fashion and nails and I don't have to feel guilty for wanting to write about them. I can talk about any aspect of life I wish to and I can use this platform to help people who found themselves in similar situations as me. This year I hope to come to you guys with many different types of content and I hope you enjoy it as much as I love being a blogger. 

Here's to a beautiful 2016!

- J

p.s. Watch this space ;) 

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